Past, Present, Future

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.” ~ Author Unknown

Heard a topic recently about “Recalculating Your Route” and it began me to think about what happens when history spoils the gift and ruins the mystery?  As creatures of habit and self-preservation, our first instinct is to gravitate to what is comfortable and protect ourselves at all costs, and in doing so, we may miss out on the most important and beautiful things in life.

So often we rely on what we have experienced and although it is wise to learn from our past, we forget to enjoy the “present” when we allow those lessons to stifle our future.  Pain is a great equalizer and reminder of what to do and not to do, but it can also be a paralyses.  It can leave you stuck in a rut and life passing you by, especially when it comes to relationships and love.

Living in the present is hard when the past keeps knocking on the door, figuratively and literally.  How can you move forward if you continue to allow the past to invade the present?  The past affords knowledge and experience, builds and solidifies, provides clarity and understanding, and should be acknowledged and reflected upon.  However, the past is not the place to dwell in and should not be used as a crutch.  If anything, the past should give us a better appreciation of what we want and what we have and more importantly, how to maintain and build something lasting.  But when we dwell in the past, allow it to continue to intrude in our lives, our relationships, our thoughts, our behavior, it becomes debilitating.

The present, the gift, is the most rewarding thing God gives us.  Each day is a new day to cherish where we are in life and what we have.  It provides another opportunity to seek our heart’s desires, experience new adventures, and reach new heights in life.  Living in the moment may sound cliché, but try it.  Consciously take full advantage of the here and now, appreciate where you are in life.  Stop using your past to spoil your present, hinder your future.  Furthermore, we can’t fault or hold others accountable for those from the past.  It isn’t fair to them or you and so often we want to judge our present based on our past and the two are not the same.  You’ll never reach your destination if you keep going in reverse.  It’s impossible.   You’ll never achieve your goals, attain the love you are seeking, if you continue to retreat and revert to what once was.  He or she isn’t him or her and hopefully you aren’t the same either.  The dynamics have changed, the lessons learned, and instead of reading the old chapters, it’s time to write a new book.

The future is the place to strive towards.  It’s that uncertainty that excites, entices, and gives us hope for a brighter tomorrow.  Living in the present is grand, but the idea of the future is euphoric.  Working towards what we seek and desire for our lives, using our past as the tools to achieve it, and our present as a springboard, makes the future that more appealing.

The past is a memory, the present is reality, and the future is a dream.  Trust your memories, it did happen, but memories are mere reminders of what we overcame and triumph through.  Our reality is what we make and how we shape our lives.  Dream often and continue to strive for those dreams.  Work everyday to make your dreams your reality and your memories pale in comparison to that reality.

How has your past affected your present and future?  Is your present reflective of your dreams?  Remember, this isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We share, learn from, help, and support each other. Come back soon as we take this journey together and stay tuned as U, Me, and We will be coming to the airwaves!  

Peace and Love,

BlakkDiamond

Thankful

As we close out Thanksgiving and lead into the Christmas and New Year’s holidays, I would like to take a moment to reflect on what I am truly thankful for… LOVE.

In a recent story by Time magazine based on a survey by the Pew Research Center, it was implied that marriage was no longer looked upon favorably and that the institution of marriage was dying! The survey and report went on to further state that an increasing percentage of Americans no longer desire to be married and feel as if the institution of marriage is a dying form and may even be obsolete. Suffice to say, this has caused a firestorm and there have been proponents from both sides advocating their points. From USA Today to MSNBC to across the pond and the BBC, to bloggers far and wide, such as BMWK, this has been debated over and over again.

But let’s look at it from a different perspective. The institution and sanctity of marriage, just as the embodiment of any corporation, organization, and the church, is based on the people. The persons involved determine how the institution is developed and perceived. It’s the people who help the company grow, help the organization prosper, make the institution. The blueprints have been the same for centuries and what marriage was ordained for has not changed; what has changed are peoples’ belief, dedication, and reverence towards marriage. Whereas marriage was once looked upon by the majority as the culmination of a beautiful courtship, the perfect union of soulmates, the outward display of love and longevity, it is now viewed as a short-term contractual agreement, a business arrangement, a photo op or press release. More often than not, in today’s society, marriage is embarked on with little thought or preparation beyond the ceremony, as many do not value or understand the purpose of marriage or their purpose in a marriage.

With all of that said, the institution hasn’t failed, the people have failed the institution. While the divorce rate is increasing, please remember you have to be married first in order to get divorced! People haven’t abandoned marriage, they just don’t know how to be married. There is a difference. What has been lost, forgotten, and disregarded is the love that brought them together. Whatever events led to getting married, there was some form of love that guided the parties to unify and become one and somehow that love wasn’t developed and nurtured. A marriage is no different than any other job. It requires dedication, constant effort, strategy meetings, budget analysis, team work, and any other duties as they may arise. However the rewards far outweigh any salary, promotion, accolades, or awards, for love is immeasurable and exceeds any expectations. That which you receive from your job pales in comparison from all you gain from your marriage. The two aren’t in the same hemisphere.

So on this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the gift of love. From all those I have loved and loved me, whether familial or relational, I am grateful to know what love is and to experience it for myself. I once questioned whether it was better to love and have lost than to never have loved at all. I no longer wonder because to love means to experience life at its fullest, beyond any conceivable notion. Love tends to take you places you never knew possible and make you feel and experience things you never knew existed. Even in loss, love is grand. Without love you may have never explored the possibilities or allowed for the opportunities. Even when those we have loved are no longer with us, there is a place in our innermost being, in our heart, that has been transformed, that has grown, because we loved and were loved. Even in our darkest times, the slightest memory, feeling of love can turn the most bleak of situations around. Love is a cure for all ailments and is the answer to most questions. Love can be the solution and the remedy when applied properly.

As we move into the season of celebrating and giving, I thank all of you who one way or another affected my life and shown love and shown me how to love. Love is ever-evolving and is a learned trait. We learn what love is from our surroundings, people we encounter, but we learn how to love from our circumstances and experiences. No matter the outcome, I know what love can be. I know its power and its pain, its joy and its turmoil, what it can give and what it can take away, and I would never trade any of it. Never count out love, never give up on love, never run away from love. At the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, it’s all we may have left.

Remember, U, Me, and We = Love

One Love,

BlakkDiamond

1 True Love

1 True Love

When I first met you I was so infatuated, captivated, stimulated,

Being in your presence again is what I anticipated.

The more we talked, the more I learned,

The longer we were apart, the more I yearned.

The more we were together,

The more I thought, this could be forever.

Your style, your grace, your intellect had me intrigued,

Your versatility, your charisma, your aura filled a need.

It was more than a desire, more than lust

You filled the void I was missing, you became the one I trust.

Sometimes I get so lost just listening to and envisioning your words,

The trips you take me on, the images you conjured up are so superb.

Your presence, your style, the way you move, mere words cannot describe,

The way you command and captivate an audience, let’s just call it worldwide.

But it was more than flashing lights, parties, and good times,

Sometimes you would get so deep, drop a message and make me want to rewind.

Rewind back to a time when it was just me and you,

A hot summer day or stroll under the midnight hue.

A time when it was simple, fun, not so many distractions,

When it wasn't about the glitz, the glamour, the attractions.

Back then didn't fuss over who went first or who got the last,

Let bygones be bygones and left the past in the past.

Never was an issue over money & bills,

Just us against the world making it bend to our will.

When we first started, it was innocent and fun,

More about self-expression, learning one another, becoming one.

And even when we didn’t see eye to eye or things felt like they were coming to an end,

I knew no matter what, you would always be my lover and friend.

No distance or separation could sever our ties or tear us apart,

Whether you’re on the west and I’m on the east, you’ll always remain in my heart.

You bring tears to my eyes and put a smile on my face,

Light up the sky and make all the hurt dissipate.

The greatest of these is love and when I hear you, I know what God meant,

He loves me so much, in you, an angel He sent.

The love we share defies logic, transcends imaginations, evolves, and achieves,

Take one look, one listen, one touch, you too will believe.

You are clairvoyant, mysterious, rambunctious, righteous, and versatile,

But for me, you are bliss personified, love embodied, you make my heart smile.

No matter the tribulation, despite the trials, or on the verge of defeat,

A simple whisper from your lips lifts me back on my feet.

You are my strength and peace during the storm,

My comfort at night, what keeps me warm.

The dream-shaper, the mind-stimulator, the fire in my soul,

When I am with you is when I feel whole.

I close my eyes, envision your beauty, a creature so divine,

There is no comparison, no substitute, simply sublime.

With you, I am more than a conqueror, I feel immortal,

You are a window to a new world, my love portal.

The right word at the right time, the answer to prayers,

When all else fails, I can turn to you and share.

Share my hopes, aspirations, and fears,

Knowing you will have the right words to make it all clear.

Where would I be without you, what would I do,

At the end of the day, our love will always remain true,

Music, I love you.

Is Love A Choice?

Every part of life is directed by choices or decisions and are shaped by the proceeding effects. The choice to love is no different. I had an arousing and stimulating conversation with a group of people regarding whether or not love is an actual choice. The discussion was in-depth, provocative, informative, and left me wondering if my thought process was rational or relevant. Suffice to say, I had to go back to the drawing board to rethink some things.

For many, love is a overwhelming sense of euphoria that comes on suddenly, without warning, and renders its subject helplessly head over heels. But is that really love? {see “What Is Love ”for a reference}. Love is so much more than mere emotions. An emotion is simply a noun, a word used to name or describe a person, place, feeling, ideal, and is defined as follows: A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love. In other words, it’s uncontrollable, without thought, and comes and goes at about the same rate and speed. The thing about nouns, emotions, are that they are stationary, uninvolved, lacking in movement. You may feel a certain way, an emotion may take you over, but what you do with that emotion, how you react to it, is the choice that makes the difference. It is at that moment when those emotions are demonstrated and expressed that love is realized.

So if an emotion is a noun, would you agree that love is a verb? A verb asserts something about the subject and expresses actions, events, or states of being. As one writer put it, “Love is always connected with what you do,” and what we do is love.” Love is what you do in spite of, because of, and regardless of. Still not following? Love encompasses all walks of life, is present in every relationship, and is multi-dimensional.

Love is what happens when you’ve worked 12 hours, multi-tasked and juggled corporate and family life, and still made it a purpose to read your children a bedtime story. Did you have to do that? Was your day not strenuous and exhausting? Would it have been not been easier to just put the kids to bed and take the rest of the evening to yourself? Despite all of that, your actions, your choice, was to spend quality time with the kids, to show love.

Love is what happens when, for no reason and no expectations of reciprocation, you randomly show kindness to a stranger, purchase a gift for a significant other, or go out of your way to show that special person how much they mean and are appreciated. It was done just because, with no pretense, ulterior motive, or waiting with bated breath for something in return. There are an endless number of things that you could have done with your time, money, and efforts for yourself, but it was love that led you to do for someone else, to choose to give unconditionally.

Love is what happens when your last, reserved nerve has been pushed to the limit and you are about to explode and act in a manner that is anything but Christina-like, but instead, you deter that emotion, swallow your pride, repress that anger, and regardless of who’s right or who’s wrong, you act with humility, respect, and gentleness as you turn to your significant other and say, “I’m sorry and I love you.” You may be completely right by anyone’s reasoning and logic, could have been mistreated, and feelings deeply hurt, but it is love that allows you to die of self and instead of lashing out and retaliating, extend an olive branch and emphasize and focus on love. Or putting it a different way, setting in motion resolutions, taking actions to rectify and build, choosing to move forward and not linger in turmoil.

Still uncertain, on the fence, indecisive? The “Summit Circle,” as I have affectionately titled the group of friends and peers mentioned earlier, proposed that love cannot be a choice as you have no control when love strikes or the magnitude in which it commandeers your life. Referencing Deborah Cox’s smash hit, “Nobody’s Supposed To Be Here,” and the lyrics “How did you get here? Nobody's supposed to be here. I've tried that love thing for the last time. My heart says no, no! Nobody's supposed to be here, but you came along and changed my mind.” It appears Ms. Cox was taken off guard, unaware, and even trying to fight the feeling, her emotions. But if you take a closer look, you will see the actions, the choices, she made in the name of love. Although nobody (love) was supposed to be there, she tried it, made a conscious effort, chose to see what love offered and although initially it didn’t work or offer the results she was seeking, it (love) came beckoning again and changed her mind. Meaning she processed (verb - choice), contemplated (verb - choice), decided (verb - choice) to give love (take actions) another chance and see where it led her. In spite of the past pain, because of the endless possibilities, and regardless of the unknown and numerous variables, she is choosing love again.

Love is the choice we make. We’ve all heard the cliché “fall in or out of love,” but what that is really saying is that I am experiencing a plethora of emotionally stimulating feelings. Or the opposite end of that spectrum is that plethora of emotions has dissipated and the luster has worn off. It is what we do in between, the actions we take, the choices we choose, that demonstrates love. Do we act on the exhilaration and exuberance of feelings, pursuing it and discovering new horizons? Do we replenish that lost feeling, rediscover what once excited and thrilled us, attempt to reestablish what once was? Either way "falling" in and of itself requires action, making a choice, and love is the outcome of that choice.

Ponder this as you think about love and action being synonymous. Love in manifested in four different ways. "Storge," meaning affection; "Philia," meaning friendship; "Eros," meaning sexual or romantic; and "Agape," meaning selfless. None of the aforementioned forms of love exists as simply a noun, because without action they are dead. Without choice they are irrelevant, if never expressed, they never form to fruition, and if never used, they are wasted. Love is the voluntary act of selecting what is preferred, the determination of the mind, grasping the power of opportunity, utilizing judgement or skill in what is desired. Love is a choice.

Remember, this isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We share, learn from, help, and support each other. Agree or disagree, it's all about growth. Has love been your choice or a meager emotion? How can you choose to express love, pursue love, explore love? Come back soon as we’ll dig a little deeper and forge a little further. Also, be on the lookout for U, Me, and We hitting the radio waves. We're taking it to new heights and trying to reach as many as possible.

"Love is a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love the verb." Stephen R. Covey

What Is LOVE?

Hello World, I’m Baaaaaaaaaaaack… With a loaded question to boot. I’ve been pondering this thought for a while and as I processed the notion in my mind, I began to ask the question out loud seeking others’ thoughts and opinions. In the midst of one of these Q&A sessions, a trusted friend and mentor made me rethink the question, its true meaning, and whether or not there was an answer.

That being said, I believe there is. I simply think that anything that is felt can be expressed, and anything that is expressed can be defined. It may sound like I am talking in circles, but bear with me.

What better place to start than scripture itself and how the Holy Bible defines love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 reads, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Whatever you may believe or subscribe to, I think we can all agree that throughout our lives we have experienced some form of what we believed to be love. Whether it was the feelings you felt towards your parents or siblings, the joys of being a parent watching your child grow, or the fire that burned within when spending time with your significant other. But love far exceeds a relationship with others or mere emotions. Some have fond affections for money, music, possessions, fine art, traveling, certain cuisines, and the list goes on and on, and we have all used the term whole-heartedly and loosely, “I love {fill in the blank}” as a way to describe these affections/feelings/emotions.

But what is love? What is it that stirs that emotion, conjures up those deep-rooted feelings, ignites every sense, and forces us to not only act upon these urges, but also utter the word, LOVE? Love cannot be measured or quantified, contained or subdued, stifled or ignored. It is limitless and boundless and depending on the circumstances, it manifests in a multitude of ways, sometimes simultaneously, and even emerges unexpectedly.

However, the core, the basis of love, will always remain the same. No matter the object of your love, it stems from the giver. Love is something that can be received only when and if it is given. Read that again. Love can only be received when and if it is given. You can’t receive love from a house or a plant, but you can give love to them, nurture them, and help them grow and prosper, thus the house or plant receives love, and so is the same with people and relationships.

If I had to use one word as a parallel or summation of love, it would be selflessness. Simply put, “Love is the willingness to unconditionally give of one self in spite of.” The readiness to put all inward and outward desires aside for the sake of someone else, knowing that it may never be reciprocated or appreciated, but in the end, it will make a positive affect on their lives. It is an outward display of an inward manifestation that demonstrates the givers fervor, zeal, heartiness… LOVE.

This is only one writer’s opinion, notion, and this topic can and will be explored for millenniums to come and hopefully you’ll join me on this journey of exploration into LOVE. There’s plenty more to discuss and I attend to touch on some of it all, but I will leave you with this.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten son….” God, Allah, Yahweh, Elohim, whatever name you choose to use, He is the personification, the epitome, the epicenter and He willingly, without hesitation, forsake, bequeath, His desires and feelings, the one thing, person, that was inimitable, unrivaled, and unparalleled, all for someone else (you and me) so that we may have a better life, be happy, and experience the fullness and riches of life. If that’s not love, then what is?

What is Love to you? How would you define it? Remember, this isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We share, learn from, help, and support each other. Come back soon as we’ll delve deeper into this thing called LOVE.

Making a List and Checking It Twice...

Hello All,

I know I have been MIA lately and I apologize for my absence. The past month was a monster and I needed time to recollect, re-examine and refocus, but I am good to go and ready to spark the conversation again.

In lieu of the holiday spirit I have been thinking about how as kids we all made lists in regards to what we wanted Santa to bring us, but it didn’t stop there. As teenagers we continued to make lists and as adults we refined and expounded on those lists. I’m not talking about the lists of material things, i.e., houses, cars, vacation spots, etc., but that mental, and sometimes written list, of what we wanted and looked for in a mate, spouse, or significant other.

As each of us grew and learned more about ourselves and what we wanted, the list changed, developed and was amended, or got scrapped altogether. Either way, a list of desires, wishes, dreams, do(s) and don’t(s) was formulated at some point and time. It was this list that was the beginning point of any relationship and without knowing, everyone who crossed your path was measured against the list and silently and mentally bombarded with a plethora of questions and subjected to a test they had no idea they were taking or knew the answers to. What are their physical traits? What are their career objectives? What are their hobbies? Do they drink/smoke? Are they marriage material? Do they want kids? It goes on and on and is solely at the discretion of the person doing the critiquing.

True indeed, we all realize there are certain expectations and/or desires in any relationship, but until you have spent quality and substantial time getting to know each other, there is no possible way of knowing the other person’s expectations, let alone fulfilling them.

And there lies the rub. How realistic is the list? Is it beyond moral turpitude? Is it based on an insurmountable ideal? Or possibly is it too simplistic and possesses no challenge? What is your list? What is most important to you in a spouse, a mate, a significant other? What are the core principles that will define everything and are deal breakers? How has the list changed over time? What is still on the list and what has been erased? There are no wrong or right answers, but only your answer and that answer is strictly based on what you desire and seek.

Single, married or divorced, where does your current situation stack up against the list? Pull it back out if you need to, go over it again, and determine just how the list factors in your relationship. Is that person all you dreamed of or did they redefine the list and make you think outside of the box?

Comment, speak up, share your lists. This isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We share, learn from, help, and support each other. FYI: I haven’t forgotten about “Be Careful What You Ask For.” I’ll get back to that. Trust me, it ties into this very topic. And don’t let your list adversely affect today’s situation. The list is ever evolving.

Soulmates

Have you ever felt that undeniable attraction, that gravitational pull, that feeling that runs so deep that it touches your soul? It’s a feeling that is unexplainable and cannot be quantified or measured. It’s uncanny, surreal, and some say causes feelings and emotions never felt before. Have you found your soulmate?

A soulmate, someone whom you have an immediate connection and can relate to on every level. Someone who brings a sense of peace, calmness, and happiness to your life, instantly dispelling the harshness and unpleasantness that life can present. That person that fulfills a desire you never knew existed or experienced and makes you question and doubt everything prior. The sort of kinship that makes you yearn for and literally ache when you are apart. The most gratifying and satisfying personal experience you have ever encountered. The Yin to your Yang.

The question remains, is there such a thing as a soulmate? Furthermore, is that soulmate singular or can they manifest in multiple people? Do you believe there is someone out there specifically designed and created just for you? Not the notion that there is someone for everyone, but a unique individual whose character traits, likes and dislikes, predilections, aspirations, and desires are a perfect mesh. Or can you find those same idiosyncrasies in a multitude of diverse people and personalities? Or possibly it has to do more with where you are in your life and how you have evolved not only as a person, but more importantly, your outlook on life and what you truly desire from a mate and what will give you that ultimate happiness.

Despite it all, to find a love, a companion, that transcends the superficial, but sparks a kindred relationship that burns deep in the soul and opens itself to boundless options, is something mystic, divine, blessed and it’s the sort of relationship everyone dreams about, quietly speaks about, and meticulously seeks out. But it is a true labor of love, because there is no formula or time frame, and worse, no guarantee that it will ever come to fruition.

So keep searching, keep looking, keep pursuing your heart’s desire. It’s the journey, not the destination, that shapes the outcome and the more you discover the more you’ll be able to recognize. The more you’ll be able to separate and dissect and determine what’s best for you. And maybe, just maybe, as you continue on your journey, you will come across that person who ignites something in you so rare, so overwhelming, and so incredible that it causes you to slow down and explore a little deeper, stay a little longer, pursue a little harder, until one day turns into a lifetime. Never know what you may find or who may find you. You may find your solumate!

Comment, speak up, voice your opinions, share your stories. If you've found your soulmate, still in search of your soulmate, or feel you have lost your solumate, let us know. This isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We share, learn from, help, and support each other. Read the previous posts and comment on them as well. Suggest new topics and ideas, be active, spread the word.

Check back soon for the next post entitled, "Be Careful What You Ask For!"

Life Is a Theater

Below is a piece of literature from one of the most profound and inspirational experiences I have had in quite some time. I had the honor and pleasure of listening to a gentleman by the name of Dennis S. Brown and his motivational techniques and prowess truly inspired me and sparked what I hope to be a new way of thinking and living not only for myself, but for anyone who is seeking to live a happier and more abundant life. Read it a few times, let it sink in, and take a long look at who is sitting in the seats of your life and whether they really belong there or should they be kicked out! Enjoy, digest and comment.

LIFE IS A THEATER: Invite Your Audience Carefully

Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with, draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of Your Life.

"If you cannot change the people around you, CHANGE the people you are around."

Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, Nor feed our dreams with negative thoughts.

It's your choice and your life..... It's up to you who and what you let in it...... Author Unknown

Can You "F?"

Okay, come back. It’s not what you think… or maybe it is. LOL I’m sure you are thinking BlakkDiamond has lost it, but before your mind wanders too far, let me clarify the title. Can U Forgive and Forget? I asked the question to a friend a while back and it sparked a serious debate. Can we forgive and forget, are they exclusive of each other, or is it a misnomer?

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” Lewis B. Smedes

The Bible instructs us to forgive those who offend us seventy times seven times and although this may seem unrealistic to some, how many times have we fallen short and sought to be forgiven? But what happens when you are on the opposite side and you are the one wronged, offended, hurt or mistreated? How do you forgive the most egregious of acts, turn the other cheek, forgive those who have hurt you the most?

Truth be told, forgiveness is not for the offender, but for the offended. Forgiveness is a part of accepting what has been done and the beginning of healing. In order to forgive, you have to consciously come to terms with what has been done, accept it for what it’s worth, and decide to move past it. Easier said than done, but the fact of the matter is that in order to begin anew or proceed ahead, you have to be willing to forgive what has been done. The key to forgiveness is the ability to interact with, treat, or think of that person that harmed you in the same manner in which you thought of them prior to the offense. That is the true measurement of forgiveness, to not let what transpired alter or diminish they way you perceive them or treat them. We all have made mistakes or failed in some way, but does that mean we are a lesser person?

But forgetting? That’s a whole other issue. How do you forget what has been done? How do you forget the pain it caused, the betrayal, the feeling that everything you once thought to be true has been snatched away? Although forgiveness is expected, forgetting is virtually impossible. But what you learn and how you move forward determines plenty. In every incident there is a lesson and some experiences aren’t meant to be forgotten, but instead learned from. They are meant to teach us, open our eyes, and help us grow. On the other hand, sometimes you have to just forget about it, let it go, and decide not to live in the past. Holding onto the past and letting it fester and build is not beneficial to anyone and only leads to more pain and discord. Forget the faux pas, but learn the lesson.

Whatever may occur, it is up to you to forgive and/or forget. Remember it’s a two-way street. We all will falter at one point or another and it is at that moment that will determine the rest of the story. So, the next time you are faced with the dilemma of forgiving and forgetting, remember what's at stake and what you are striving towards. Then take a look in the mirror and think about how you would want to be treated.

Check back soon for the next post entitled, "Soulmates."

Unconditional Love - Part II

Check out Unconditional Love - Part I, then come back to Part II.

It’s that love that is unexplainable, the kind of love that a parent has for their child that no matter what your kid might do, that’s still your kid and you will always support them and love them. And yes, I understand that your child is your responsibility and more importantly, is literally a piece of you, but shouldn’t you put just as much effort into nurturing your relationship as you do rearing your child. Whether good or bad, you are your child’s first image of a relationship, so they learn how to function in a relationship from you. Every action and word is a lesson, and those lessons will shape their image of what it is to love and be loved.

It’s the kind of love we seek from our significant others and proclaim to give. But is it a reality? Can we really share that level of maturity and love? The kind of love that transcends all, looks beyond most, and never takes score. Let’s be honest. We all have our flaws, idiosyncrasies, differences, but that’s what makes us who we are. The trick is trying to mesh two individuals together to become a unit, a like-minded balancing act, seeking to develop a life-long relationship.

A very wise friend told me a while back that you get out of your relationship whatever you put into it. If it’s always a competition and you feel you always have to win, no compromise, no sacrifice, no holds barred, is that really a relationship or a battle royale? Or are you more concerned with putting on airs and portraying a superior image, never vulnerable, always wanting to tower above, never allowing your significant other to shine? Is it about U and only U or is it about the betterment of the relationship and U and Me becoming We.

Can you say that you love unconditionally or have been loved unconditionally? What does that mean to U to be loved unconditionally? How do you display your love and does your significant other feel that love is unconditional or are there unspoken strings attached to that love?

Comment, speak up, voice your opinions. This isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We work together, learn from each other, help each other, and support each other. Read the previous posts and comment on them as well. Suggest new topics and ideas, be active and spread the word.

Check back soon for the next post entitled, "Can You 'F'?" Trust, you don't want to miss it!

P.S. Click on the picture for an awesome depiction of Unconditional Love!

Unconditional Love - Part I

If I say “I Love You”, believe you me, it’s not a lie,

Because when I say, “I Love You,” I mean it ‘til the day I die…

For me love is so much more than just feelings and infatuation,

Love to me is thoughts, actions and words that transcend mere imagination…

Over the years I’ve discovered the true meaning of this thing we call love,

For when it’s real and true, we not only get our earthly blessings, but also those from Heaven above…

True love means being considerate, being romantic and showing affection,

True love means being a good listener, a provider of all needs and giving protection... Everyone has their own definition of true love and will find it in due time,

But for me, I need a woman who is willing and able to seduce my body, spirit and mind…

See physical attraction is great, and spiritual kinship is bliss,

But when you make love to the mind, this is the sort of love that can’t be easily dismissed…

Although I have spoken these three words before, and not to say it was not what I meant,

It’s just now I really understand the true meaning and its’ full extent…

Love will make you blind, but it will also open your heart,

Love will bring two people together letting them know this is where “WE” start…

A start of a partnership, a new adventure, and dreams and fantasies untold,

A companion who will always be there through thick and thin to the day you grow old…

So when you say, “I Love You,” say it from the heart and make the moment sentimental,

And let that special one know your love is unconditional. BlakkDiamond

Labor of Love

To light the match, let’s start where everything begins. It’s an age-old question that differs with each answer. You can call it what you like. Mars vs. Venus, nature vs. nurture, Adam and Eve, but what it all boils down to is what is it that a man desires opposed to what is it that a woman desires. Is there a difference? Is there a definitive answer? YES! Each individual knows exactly what they want, what will satisfy them, what will make them happy, but it varies for each person and no two people are alike. The conundrum is finding a happy medium where you gain your heart’s desire and also fulfill your significant others’ deepest hopes and wants.

Life’s experiences have given me an opportunity to grow and learn and decipher exactly I am seeking, as well as what I have to offer. Life has taught many lessons on many levels, but the greatest of these is the appreciation and understanding of what LOVE truly can be. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 reads, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” That’s a mouth full and a lot to digest and regardless of your spiritual beliefs, I believe we can all agree that all relationships are a labor of love in some way. No matter where you may be in your relationship, you only get out of it what you put into it and every action causes a ripple effect. Think about a single drop of water landing into a larger pool of water and the resulting effect. So is it when two individuals meet and their lives suddenly become intertwined, constantly evolving, and broadening infinitely. It’s a change from U and Me to now We and here is where it’s gets interesting and what we will continue to explore.

This is for all of us, so please don’t hesitate to comment, make suggestions, speak your mind, take the polls, get involved. This is just the beginning. We will have plenty to discuss and the topics will range far and wide and cover every conceivable aspect. There will be interviews and videos soon to come as well. So, sign up, follow the site, and tell your family and friends. It isn’t just about U or Me, but all about We.

P.S. If you want to know a little more about BlakkDiamond and his thoughts, check back soon for the next post entitled “Unconditional Love.”

Welcome to U, Me and We

Welcome to U, Me and We. First and foremost, I hope you find this to be intriguing, informative and entertaining. I’ve been contemplating this notion for a while and instead of internalizing it and keeping it to myself, I thought what would be better than to share it with all and spark a constructive and spirited conversation.

The idea behind U, Me and We is to dissect and learn more about the differences between men and women and how these differences shape our interactions in all phases of relationships. Whether you are single and seeking, dating and deciding, or married and mulling, the variables are infinite and everything affects who we are and what we desire. Hopefully, we can take this ride together, explore what makes us tick, provoke some mind stimulating conversations, and most importantly, learn from each other and find a common ground on which to build stronger, committed, prosperous and lasting relationships.

Welcome to U, Me and We!!!