Hello All,
I know I have been MIA lately and I apologize for my absence. The past month was a monster and I needed time to recollect, re-examine and refocus, but I am good to go and ready to spark the conversation again.
In lieu of the holiday spirit I have been thinking about how as kids we all made lists in regards to what we wanted Santa to bring us, but it didn’t stop there. As teenagers we continued to make lists and as adults we refined and expounded on those lists. I’m not talking about the lists of material things, i.e., houses, cars, vacation spots, etc., but that mental, and sometimes written list, of what we wanted and looked for in a mate, spouse, or significant other.
As each of us grew and learned more about ourselves and what we wanted, the list changed, developed and was amended, or got scrapped altogether. Either way, a list of desires, wishes, dreams, do(s) and don’t(s) was formulated at some point and time. It was this list that was the beginning point of any relationship and without knowing, everyone who crossed your path was measured against the list and silently and mentally bombarded with a plethora of questions and subjected to a test they had no idea they were taking or knew the answers to. What are their physical traits? What are their career objectives? What are their hobbies? Do they drink/smoke? Are they marriage material? Do they want kids? It goes on and on and is solely at the discretion of the person doing the critiquing.
True indeed, we all realize there are certain expectations and/or desires in any relationship, but until you have spent quality and substantial time getting to know each other, there is no possible way of knowing the other person’s expectations, let alone fulfilling them.
And there lies the rub. How realistic is the list? Is it beyond moral turpitude? Is it based on an insurmountable ideal? Or possibly is it too simplistic and possesses no challenge? What is your list? What is most important to you in a spouse, a mate, a significant other? What are the core principles that will define everything and are deal breakers? How has the list changed over time? What is still on the list and what has been erased? There are no wrong or right answers, but only your answer and that answer is strictly based on what you desire and seek.
Single, married or divorced, where does your current situation stack up against the list? Pull it back out if you need to, go over it again, and determine just how the list factors in your relationship. Is that person all you dreamed of or did they redefine the list and make you think outside of the box?
Comment, speak up, share your lists. This isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We share, learn from, help, and support each other. FYI: I haven’t forgotten about “Be Careful What You Ask For.” I’ll get back to that. Trust me, it ties into this very topic. And don’t let your list adversely affect today’s situation. The list is ever evolving.
Great topic. I remember back in the day when I was a lot younger and more naive, I had a list. I remember listening to someone tell me to write down everything I wanted in a man and to be very specific. I laugh at that concept now. I think most of the attributes on that list still hold true today, but the order of priorities has definitely changed.
ReplyDeleteAside from a few deal breakers (no belief in Jesus, smoking, drugs, violence, etc.), I think I've grown to become pretty open to the possibilities God sends my way. I think if people paid closer attention to how they feel when they're with someone special, rather than ticking off attributes from a list, they may realize that what they have in their life is already exactly what they've wanted/needed all along.
Ahh, lists. Lists are curious parts of life. Whether or not a person employs a list as a guide says a lot about them. I have found that people that use them can be organized, a bit analytical, and effective. How yeilding or unyeilding list-users are provides character info as well.
ReplyDeleteAll lists are fluid, be it a grocery list or a list of attributes for a potential mate. The latter list matures in direct correlation to its author's maturation and growth. If one's priorities are the same at 17 as say, 25 then that's a whole other conversation. I have not written a list in the physical form. I have had no reason to. As my heart has changed, so has my 'list'. I've learned that sometimes having a list, whether mental or actual is obsolete. Simply because what you want may not be what you need.
I used to write lists when I was younger but got out of the habit. They really help you focus.
ReplyDeleteIts funny you would bring up “The List”. Do they even still exist? My mother raised me to have a list that determines what type of mate I should have or was looking for. Over the years that list has been put to rest and buried deep. A lot of the things that I look for are different from what I look for 20 years ago. I have only met one that came close to that list so long ago. Times have changed and I don’t want to say that I have lowered my standards but I have re-evaluated them. My thought process is “Today's challenges soon turn into yesterday’s accomplishment if you work hard and stay focused”. Having a great relationship takes total understanding of all feelings involved.
ReplyDelete