Okay, come back. It’s not what you think… or maybe it is. LOL I’m sure you are thinking BlakkDiamond has lost it, but before your mind wanders too far, let me clarify the title. Can U Forgive and Forget? I asked the question to a friend a while back and it sparked a serious debate. Can we forgive and forget, are they exclusive of each other, or is it a misnomer?
“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” Lewis B. Smedes
The Bible instructs us to forgive those who offend us seventy times seven times and although this may seem unrealistic to some, how many times have we fallen short and sought to be forgiven? But what happens when you are on the opposite side and you are the one wronged, offended, hurt or mistreated? How do you forgive the most egregious of acts, turn the other cheek, forgive those who have hurt you the most?
Truth be told, forgiveness is not for the offender, but for the offended. Forgiveness is a part of accepting what has been done and the beginning of healing. In order to forgive, you have to consciously come to terms with what has been done, accept it for what it’s worth, and decide to move past it. Easier said than done, but the fact of the matter is that in order to begin anew or proceed ahead, you have to be willing to forgive what has been done. The key to forgiveness is the ability to interact with, treat, or think of that person that harmed you in the same manner in which you thought of them prior to the offense. That is the true measurement of forgiveness, to not let what transpired alter or diminish they way you perceive them or treat them. We all have made mistakes or failed in some way, but does that mean we are a lesser person?
But forgetting? That’s a whole other issue. How do you forget what has been done? How do you forget the pain it caused, the betrayal, the feeling that everything you once thought to be true has been snatched away? Although forgiveness is expected, forgetting is virtually impossible. But what you learn and how you move forward determines plenty. In every incident there is a lesson and some experiences aren’t meant to be forgotten, but instead learned from. They are meant to teach us, open our eyes, and help us grow. On the other hand, sometimes you have to just forget about it, let it go, and decide not to live in the past. Holding onto the past and letting it fester and build is not beneficial to anyone and only leads to more pain and discord. Forget the faux pas, but learn the lesson.
Whatever may occur, it is up to you to forgive and/or forget. Remember it’s a two-way street. We all will falter at one point or another and it is at that moment that will determine the rest of the story. So, the next time you are faced with the dilemma of forgiving and forgetting, remember what's at stake and what you are striving towards. Then take a look in the mirror and think about how you would want to be treated.
Check back soon for the next post entitled, "Soulmates."
I agree with some of what you've said, but I definitely disagree with the thought that in order to forgive someone you have to treat them the same way you treated them before the offense. In my opinion, it's just the opposite. I'm not saying you have to be mean to the person who caused you harm or treat them with disrespect, but depending on what they did, they no longer deserve to enjoy the same benefits of the relationship that they once had. And I definitely don't think you have to think of that person in the same way as before the offense. In the end though, forgiveness allows us to move on with our lives and not let anger, resentment etc. eat us alive.
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