Making a List and Checking It Twice...

Hello All,

I know I have been MIA lately and I apologize for my absence. The past month was a monster and I needed time to recollect, re-examine and refocus, but I am good to go and ready to spark the conversation again.

In lieu of the holiday spirit I have been thinking about how as kids we all made lists in regards to what we wanted Santa to bring us, but it didn’t stop there. As teenagers we continued to make lists and as adults we refined and expounded on those lists. I’m not talking about the lists of material things, i.e., houses, cars, vacation spots, etc., but that mental, and sometimes written list, of what we wanted and looked for in a mate, spouse, or significant other.

As each of us grew and learned more about ourselves and what we wanted, the list changed, developed and was amended, or got scrapped altogether. Either way, a list of desires, wishes, dreams, do(s) and don’t(s) was formulated at some point and time. It was this list that was the beginning point of any relationship and without knowing, everyone who crossed your path was measured against the list and silently and mentally bombarded with a plethora of questions and subjected to a test they had no idea they were taking or knew the answers to. What are their physical traits? What are their career objectives? What are their hobbies? Do they drink/smoke? Are they marriage material? Do they want kids? It goes on and on and is solely at the discretion of the person doing the critiquing.

True indeed, we all realize there are certain expectations and/or desires in any relationship, but until you have spent quality and substantial time getting to know each other, there is no possible way of knowing the other person’s expectations, let alone fulfilling them.

And there lies the rub. How realistic is the list? Is it beyond moral turpitude? Is it based on an insurmountable ideal? Or possibly is it too simplistic and possesses no challenge? What is your list? What is most important to you in a spouse, a mate, a significant other? What are the core principles that will define everything and are deal breakers? How has the list changed over time? What is still on the list and what has been erased? There are no wrong or right answers, but only your answer and that answer is strictly based on what you desire and seek.

Single, married or divorced, where does your current situation stack up against the list? Pull it back out if you need to, go over it again, and determine just how the list factors in your relationship. Is that person all you dreamed of or did they redefine the list and make you think outside of the box?

Comment, speak up, share your lists. This isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We share, learn from, help, and support each other. FYI: I haven’t forgotten about “Be Careful What You Ask For.” I’ll get back to that. Trust me, it ties into this very topic. And don’t let your list adversely affect today’s situation. The list is ever evolving.

Soulmates

Have you ever felt that undeniable attraction, that gravitational pull, that feeling that runs so deep that it touches your soul? It’s a feeling that is unexplainable and cannot be quantified or measured. It’s uncanny, surreal, and some say causes feelings and emotions never felt before. Have you found your soulmate?

A soulmate, someone whom you have an immediate connection and can relate to on every level. Someone who brings a sense of peace, calmness, and happiness to your life, instantly dispelling the harshness and unpleasantness that life can present. That person that fulfills a desire you never knew existed or experienced and makes you question and doubt everything prior. The sort of kinship that makes you yearn for and literally ache when you are apart. The most gratifying and satisfying personal experience you have ever encountered. The Yin to your Yang.

The question remains, is there such a thing as a soulmate? Furthermore, is that soulmate singular or can they manifest in multiple people? Do you believe there is someone out there specifically designed and created just for you? Not the notion that there is someone for everyone, but a unique individual whose character traits, likes and dislikes, predilections, aspirations, and desires are a perfect mesh. Or can you find those same idiosyncrasies in a multitude of diverse people and personalities? Or possibly it has to do more with where you are in your life and how you have evolved not only as a person, but more importantly, your outlook on life and what you truly desire from a mate and what will give you that ultimate happiness.

Despite it all, to find a love, a companion, that transcends the superficial, but sparks a kindred relationship that burns deep in the soul and opens itself to boundless options, is something mystic, divine, blessed and it’s the sort of relationship everyone dreams about, quietly speaks about, and meticulously seeks out. But it is a true labor of love, because there is no formula or time frame, and worse, no guarantee that it will ever come to fruition.

So keep searching, keep looking, keep pursuing your heart’s desire. It’s the journey, not the destination, that shapes the outcome and the more you discover the more you’ll be able to recognize. The more you’ll be able to separate and dissect and determine what’s best for you. And maybe, just maybe, as you continue on your journey, you will come across that person who ignites something in you so rare, so overwhelming, and so incredible that it causes you to slow down and explore a little deeper, stay a little longer, pursue a little harder, until one day turns into a lifetime. Never know what you may find or who may find you. You may find your solumate!

Comment, speak up, voice your opinions, share your stories. If you've found your soulmate, still in search of your soulmate, or feel you have lost your solumate, let us know. This isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We share, learn from, help, and support each other. Read the previous posts and comment on them as well. Suggest new topics and ideas, be active, spread the word.

Check back soon for the next post entitled, "Be Careful What You Ask For!"

Life Is a Theater

Below is a piece of literature from one of the most profound and inspirational experiences I have had in quite some time. I had the honor and pleasure of listening to a gentleman by the name of Dennis S. Brown and his motivational techniques and prowess truly inspired me and sparked what I hope to be a new way of thinking and living not only for myself, but for anyone who is seeking to live a happier and more abundant life. Read it a few times, let it sink in, and take a long look at who is sitting in the seats of your life and whether they really belong there or should they be kicked out! Enjoy, digest and comment.

LIFE IS A THEATER: Invite Your Audience Carefully

Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with, draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of Your Life.

"If you cannot change the people around you, CHANGE the people you are around."

Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, Nor feed our dreams with negative thoughts.

It's your choice and your life..... It's up to you who and what you let in it...... Author Unknown

Can You "F?"

Okay, come back. It’s not what you think… or maybe it is. LOL I’m sure you are thinking BlakkDiamond has lost it, but before your mind wanders too far, let me clarify the title. Can U Forgive and Forget? I asked the question to a friend a while back and it sparked a serious debate. Can we forgive and forget, are they exclusive of each other, or is it a misnomer?

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” Lewis B. Smedes

The Bible instructs us to forgive those who offend us seventy times seven times and although this may seem unrealistic to some, how many times have we fallen short and sought to be forgiven? But what happens when you are on the opposite side and you are the one wronged, offended, hurt or mistreated? How do you forgive the most egregious of acts, turn the other cheek, forgive those who have hurt you the most?

Truth be told, forgiveness is not for the offender, but for the offended. Forgiveness is a part of accepting what has been done and the beginning of healing. In order to forgive, you have to consciously come to terms with what has been done, accept it for what it’s worth, and decide to move past it. Easier said than done, but the fact of the matter is that in order to begin anew or proceed ahead, you have to be willing to forgive what has been done. The key to forgiveness is the ability to interact with, treat, or think of that person that harmed you in the same manner in which you thought of them prior to the offense. That is the true measurement of forgiveness, to not let what transpired alter or diminish they way you perceive them or treat them. We all have made mistakes or failed in some way, but does that mean we are a lesser person?

But forgetting? That’s a whole other issue. How do you forget what has been done? How do you forget the pain it caused, the betrayal, the feeling that everything you once thought to be true has been snatched away? Although forgiveness is expected, forgetting is virtually impossible. But what you learn and how you move forward determines plenty. In every incident there is a lesson and some experiences aren’t meant to be forgotten, but instead learned from. They are meant to teach us, open our eyes, and help us grow. On the other hand, sometimes you have to just forget about it, let it go, and decide not to live in the past. Holding onto the past and letting it fester and build is not beneficial to anyone and only leads to more pain and discord. Forget the faux pas, but learn the lesson.

Whatever may occur, it is up to you to forgive and/or forget. Remember it’s a two-way street. We all will falter at one point or another and it is at that moment that will determine the rest of the story. So, the next time you are faced with the dilemma of forgiving and forgetting, remember what's at stake and what you are striving towards. Then take a look in the mirror and think about how you would want to be treated.

Check back soon for the next post entitled, "Soulmates."

Unconditional Love - Part II

Check out Unconditional Love - Part I, then come back to Part II.

It’s that love that is unexplainable, the kind of love that a parent has for their child that no matter what your kid might do, that’s still your kid and you will always support them and love them. And yes, I understand that your child is your responsibility and more importantly, is literally a piece of you, but shouldn’t you put just as much effort into nurturing your relationship as you do rearing your child. Whether good or bad, you are your child’s first image of a relationship, so they learn how to function in a relationship from you. Every action and word is a lesson, and those lessons will shape their image of what it is to love and be loved.

It’s the kind of love we seek from our significant others and proclaim to give. But is it a reality? Can we really share that level of maturity and love? The kind of love that transcends all, looks beyond most, and never takes score. Let’s be honest. We all have our flaws, idiosyncrasies, differences, but that’s what makes us who we are. The trick is trying to mesh two individuals together to become a unit, a like-minded balancing act, seeking to develop a life-long relationship.

A very wise friend told me a while back that you get out of your relationship whatever you put into it. If it’s always a competition and you feel you always have to win, no compromise, no sacrifice, no holds barred, is that really a relationship or a battle royale? Or are you more concerned with putting on airs and portraying a superior image, never vulnerable, always wanting to tower above, never allowing your significant other to shine? Is it about U and only U or is it about the betterment of the relationship and U and Me becoming We.

Can you say that you love unconditionally or have been loved unconditionally? What does that mean to U to be loved unconditionally? How do you display your love and does your significant other feel that love is unconditional or are there unspoken strings attached to that love?

Comment, speak up, voice your opinions. This isn’t just about U or just about Me, but all about We. The only way We grow is if We work together, learn from each other, help each other, and support each other. Read the previous posts and comment on them as well. Suggest new topics and ideas, be active and spread the word.

Check back soon for the next post entitled, "Can You 'F'?" Trust, you don't want to miss it!

P.S. Click on the picture for an awesome depiction of Unconditional Love!

Unconditional Love - Part I

If I say “I Love You”, believe you me, it’s not a lie,

Because when I say, “I Love You,” I mean it ‘til the day I die…

For me love is so much more than just feelings and infatuation,

Love to me is thoughts, actions and words that transcend mere imagination…

Over the years I’ve discovered the true meaning of this thing we call love,

For when it’s real and true, we not only get our earthly blessings, but also those from Heaven above…

True love means being considerate, being romantic and showing affection,

True love means being a good listener, a provider of all needs and giving protection... Everyone has their own definition of true love and will find it in due time,

But for me, I need a woman who is willing and able to seduce my body, spirit and mind…

See physical attraction is great, and spiritual kinship is bliss,

But when you make love to the mind, this is the sort of love that can’t be easily dismissed…

Although I have spoken these three words before, and not to say it was not what I meant,

It’s just now I really understand the true meaning and its’ full extent…

Love will make you blind, but it will also open your heart,

Love will bring two people together letting them know this is where “WE” start…

A start of a partnership, a new adventure, and dreams and fantasies untold,

A companion who will always be there through thick and thin to the day you grow old…

So when you say, “I Love You,” say it from the heart and make the moment sentimental,

And let that special one know your love is unconditional. BlakkDiamond

Labor of Love

To light the match, let’s start where everything begins. It’s an age-old question that differs with each answer. You can call it what you like. Mars vs. Venus, nature vs. nurture, Adam and Eve, but what it all boils down to is what is it that a man desires opposed to what is it that a woman desires. Is there a difference? Is there a definitive answer? YES! Each individual knows exactly what they want, what will satisfy them, what will make them happy, but it varies for each person and no two people are alike. The conundrum is finding a happy medium where you gain your heart’s desire and also fulfill your significant others’ deepest hopes and wants.

Life’s experiences have given me an opportunity to grow and learn and decipher exactly I am seeking, as well as what I have to offer. Life has taught many lessons on many levels, but the greatest of these is the appreciation and understanding of what LOVE truly can be. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 reads, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” That’s a mouth full and a lot to digest and regardless of your spiritual beliefs, I believe we can all agree that all relationships are a labor of love in some way. No matter where you may be in your relationship, you only get out of it what you put into it and every action causes a ripple effect. Think about a single drop of water landing into a larger pool of water and the resulting effect. So is it when two individuals meet and their lives suddenly become intertwined, constantly evolving, and broadening infinitely. It’s a change from U and Me to now We and here is where it’s gets interesting and what we will continue to explore.

This is for all of us, so please don’t hesitate to comment, make suggestions, speak your mind, take the polls, get involved. This is just the beginning. We will have plenty to discuss and the topics will range far and wide and cover every conceivable aspect. There will be interviews and videos soon to come as well. So, sign up, follow the site, and tell your family and friends. It isn’t just about U or Me, but all about We.

P.S. If you want to know a little more about BlakkDiamond and his thoughts, check back soon for the next post entitled “Unconditional Love.”

Welcome to U, Me and We

Welcome to U, Me and We. First and foremost, I hope you find this to be intriguing, informative and entertaining. I’ve been contemplating this notion for a while and instead of internalizing it and keeping it to myself, I thought what would be better than to share it with all and spark a constructive and spirited conversation.

The idea behind U, Me and We is to dissect and learn more about the differences between men and women and how these differences shape our interactions in all phases of relationships. Whether you are single and seeking, dating and deciding, or married and mulling, the variables are infinite and everything affects who we are and what we desire. Hopefully, we can take this ride together, explore what makes us tick, provoke some mind stimulating conversations, and most importantly, learn from each other and find a common ground on which to build stronger, committed, prosperous and lasting relationships.

Welcome to U, Me and We!!!